Player Bio: Joe “Sixpack” McCloskey

By: Daddy Pat

It all started on the playgrounds of St. Joe’s in Collingdale. A young Joe McCloskey is distraught because he does not seem to be good at the schoolyard games played by his classmates. Sad & upset he decides to shares his problem with his teacher, Sister Peter, who says; “every time God closes one door he opens another, now what’s the problem?” Sister I stink at dodge ball. I am the worst player in the school. The kids hit me with the ball even when they aren’t trying. What’s wrong with me? Nothing Joe, it’s… just…just… you are a hockey goalie. After seeing doctors and finding there IS no cure for being a goalie, he deciding to be courageous, he came out of the cloakroom and embrace who he was, a goalie. The life of a goalie begins…



From that point on no couch was safe from losing its cushions for goalie pads, neighborhood dad’s losing their belts, baseball gloves as a trapper and winter jackets doubled as chest protectors. Once Halloween brought the “Peter Puck” mask & Santa came with the waffle board and glove Joe saw himself as a young Bernie in the street hockey nets.



Joe was so taken by his idol that as a teenager he took up drinking heavily and spent summers in Wildwood, NJ just to be like Bernie. It was rumored he was so focused on being like Bernie that he considered shaving his head just to have Dr. Pistone perform hair replacement surgery, just like Bernie. His dedication to his craft and to his idol began to pay dividends. He began to be a force in net in the area street hockey leagues, started to develop a beer belly and eating pork roll, egg & cheese sandwich each morning on break.

He started his career in the nets for the local street hockey team(s) called Boston, which became the Flyers. He was called up by the “Big Kids” a few times for emergency service, usually this was for teams that were not very good and desperate for players. One of those teams was run by the now Commish of the TNHL, Dan Straube. Apparently this team was so bad that even the Commish could not recall the team’s name when asked fro comment. (Sports Psychologist, Wayne Fish, explains Dan’s lack of memory as the mind’s defense mechanism to block out traumatic experiences). Joe’s skills grew from these experiences of playing behind teams with little to no defense and returned to his original team, which changed names to the Flames.

Joe’s time with the Flames was impressive. Some goalies are measured by wins/losses and goals against, but there are a few that change the game around them. Just like some of his heroes changed the game in the NHL, Joe changed Dek Hockey. Pelle Lindbergh changed hockey in the stands by the elimination of beer sales in the third period. Ron Hextall changed the game by shooting and passing the puck. Joe changed Dek Hockey in a way that made the league expand the static sheet for goalies.



Joe’s game changing style lead to three new categories to measure goalies. They are Pass out Night Before Games (PNBG), Throwing up Before Games (TBG) and the very effective Clearing the Crease By Farting (CCBF). Joe was not only a pioneer in theses areas he was a constant league leader in them year after year.

Like all of us, time has taken a toll on Joe. He is still a force in net. Now he now relies on his volume in the net instead of the quickness of his youth. He has a few more aches/pains and pounds that he takes into each game, but still plays with the spirit and effort of his youth. The combination of the pounds & effort caused reason for concern at the start of last year’s season, when Joe seemed red faced, experiencing shortness of breath and needed to take some time to get back on track. TNHL officials were pleased when Joe was cleared to play and he explained the situation as part of his evolution at his position and the goalie’s of the NHL he chooses as role models.



As it was explained further to league officials: He started in net admiring Bernie Parent and started drinking like a pro goalie. Then he watched Pelle Lindbergh and appreciated his flare and style. Later it was Ron Hextall’s stick work that he added to his game which contributes the numerous assists he gets each year. This is even more impressive because some of those assist are actually on goals his team scores. Apparently, Joe really gets into playing as close as possible to his role model as possible and the health scare of last year is just another example. Now, playing in his 40’s he has modeled his game off a new role model, Bruce Gamble and just wanted get in the same condition that made Bruce famous.

All joking aside, throughout his career Joe has been a consistently good goaltender. He has made many a shooter give that loosing breathe sigh that follows a shot that looks like a sure goal that is snatched away at the last minute. When you are his teammate you are eager to play hard from him, because he erases many of your mistakes. When you play against him you enjoy scoring because you know it was earned and not a “gimme”. At this point in his career it is safe to say he is in the “Top Ten” TNHL goalies of all-time. And it all started with a dodge ball challenged little boy and some divine intervention from Sister Peter who made a difference in a confused boy’s life. What has been Dodge balls lose has been TNHL’s gain.

I'm the Commish and I approve this message! - Commish