Happy Holidays! No skate on 12/30

Twas the night before Christmas, when all thru the rink,
Not a player was stirring, due to the stink,
Of hockey equipment not washed in a year,
And the smell of BO and stale Lionshead beer.
Some players were waiting at the Tavola bar,
Drinking far too much liquor for driving a car,
When out in the parking lot there arose such a clatter,
Another car broken into, could that be the matter?
Away to the door I flew just like a puck
What I saw made me shout out “Jesus Christ What the Fuck?”
I thought none will believe this especially the haters,
As I spied a mini PECO truck pulled by eight tiny skaters.
With a corduroy-wearing driver who was in quite a hurry,
That’s not Santa Claus, its Russ Freakin Fury!!
"Now! Crabby, now! Fricker, now! Craskey and Romo,
Step it up Bobby Kilgore, you look like you’re in slow mo;
Around the parking lot he went, he was on quite a roll,
That all ended of course when he hit a light pole.
He staggered slowly from his truck ,
and from his head he did bleed,
“I’m here to be help, he coughed , you have quite a need, 
‘Cause your regular commish is on tour with Creed.”
Then a skater came forward so small you couldn’t see him,
About the height of an elf, His name it was Liam.
Thank you Santa Fury, if I couldn’t skate I’d be a jockey,
Merry Christmas to all and Good Night and Good Hockey!

-author unknown