Game 5 Summary

This past week was a fun pace struggle with the dark team winning in the end. The night was made special by the return to action by the Commish.

Last week we missed the commish & sent out an APB for him. After searching homeless shelters, women's book club meetings & gay bath houses Dan was found. As we have come to learn, the Commish missed last weeks tilt to celebrate his anniversary. This week he returned still glowing & sentimental from the event and continued the celebration by wearing a special comemitive jersey. He tried to tell us the three pictures were Larry, Moe & Curly of theThree Stooges, but a closer look showed the pictures were all of Dan from different periods of his life (8th grade graduation, high school graduation & his wedding day.) Either way the Commish did not disappoint and played like the men pictured on his jersey would be expected. ( Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk)

The week had its downs as well. We are still missing some key members of the league. The league has people investigating the wherabouts and status of our missing league mates and here are the latest updates...

JD.... ????? Nobody knows anything definite regarding this player whereabouts. Rumors have had him sighted in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey.

This was later proven to be a Jersey Devil... Scott Stevens I think.
Another rumor had him sighted in the US / Canadian northwest, however close examination of film showed this to be a creature with thick flowing hair and was determined to be Bigfoot. The last rumor floating around has JD finding religion and working as a missionary in Thialand. Whatever the wherabouts of John we hope to see him out on the ice soon.

Spongee: Apparently Spongee missed this past week due to sore back. This excuse is under review by the league to see if it is valid. Management has contested Spongees injury report stating Sponges don't have backs, therefore can not have back injuries. Explaination on how he injured his back will weigh heavy to determine the outcome of this dispute. Investigators have a few leeds they are following up. Here are some of the theories....

One report has him moonlighting to supplement his income now that all the boats in there Saran Wraped for the winter. He has been reported to be working as a kitchen sponge. Reports are chef's like his work & say he is a real suck up. Another report has him working on the risque side. Details can not be shared in this family friendly e-mail, but it can be said men are being evaulated to see if they are sponge worthy. The last theory, which seems to be supported by the most evidence, has Spongee getting into a car accident and injurying his back, not in the accident, but in the confrontation that ensued. (crabby, please attached the audio of the witneesed accident here). Details of this accident are described by a bystander.

Dennis Wilson AKA "DW" , Cone, Pilon; For the past few weeks we have all thought Dennis Wilson was anable to join us due to work commitments, this has been found not to be the case. The commish has made it known that he has suspended Wilson for multiple league infractions. The commish stated he made every effort to keep the news of this suspension "In House" but thought it was best to go public with his ruling when he learned the news was leaked out of the league offices. The infractions that resulted in the suspension
include:

J-Walking...on the ice
Attempt to injury TNHL players: Apparently the commish feel Dennis has been trying to injury our goalies for years. He feels NO player in the league could shoot as many times as Dennis and consistently hit the goaltenders.
The Commish feels this must be deliberate action since there is no evidence of any of Dennis' shots hitting net.
Inpersonating a hockey player
Actions Detrimental to the sport of Hockey Littering

The Commish is requiring Dennis to apologise to his league mates before returning to action. Dennis was asked a few questions regarding the circumstances. Some questions & responses can be seen below;

Question / Answer Session:

Dennis, how do you feel about the suspension? Next Question!
Will you apologise for your actions? Next Question!
Are you going to appeal your suspension? Next Question!
When do plan to return to action? Next Question!

We hope all of our league mates above can return to the fold & join us on Tuesday soon.

On a scheduling note Frank the skate sharppening man was unable to join us last night due to equipment failure. He WILL be there next Tuesday around 9:30 PM to sharpen skates for $5 a pair

This information is from the Office of The Commisioner, Dan Straube and he approves of this message.