It’s Gotta Be the Net! (aka War & Peace) (by Daddy Pat)
I am your guest scribe for the week, so bear with me as I bring you my view from the bench…
This past week in the TNHL was the third in a recent trend of high scoring at only one end of the rink. The first two weeks victimized SixPack; a usually steady performer between the pipes who in his last two games appeared to be playing dodge ball or impersonating Michael Leighton in a road playoff game. SIxPack took this past week off, the stated reason was a foot injury; but since he has not made a kick save in a month this reason is thought to be a rouse. Our sources report SixPack was seen entering the office of Dr. Joel Fish, well known sports psychologist, to work through his issues. While Six was away finding his inner goalie the TNHL moved forward with a stand-in provided by Shooter, simply known as “Goalie Dave”.
With the stand-in Siv in place guarding the Black net, the night started out with White taking charge with an offensive explosion. Goals from Crafty, Chuck, Quiet Brian, Longpants & Romo within the first 15 minutes set a hurried pace. While the black team could barely generate any offense and were shut down by Trees stellar play. Repeatedly Shooter, Crabby, Brit and his trusty side kick dirty Curty were turned away. The Black team was stunned and left starring at each other looking for answers. At first they took the easy answer and blamed the stand-in Siv as the problem. Could it be Goalie Dave? He wasn’t there the previous 2 weeks; did he borrow
the dodge ball hand book? At the half way point of the clash the goalies switched teams and nets to balance the scoring and put the black team at ease. Problem solved, but no; the scoring by the white team continued AND the black team’s scoring frustration grew as they were stoned repeatedly; this time they were shut down by goalie Dave. So the trend started with Six Pack, then with Goalie Dave and now with Tree; it can’t be all three goalies & black had a stacked roster…. It’s Gotta Be the Net!
The net is the only constant during this goal scoring trend and has no comment. The goalies on the other hand are convinced that this net is larger than the Standard 6’ X 4’ dimensions. Goalie Dave said it looked like he was trying to stop pucks in a soccer net. Many of his team mates agreed. Sources inside the Commish’s office say a grievance has been filed by the Goaltender’s Union demanding a measurement. Rumor has it that the goalies refuse to play in THAT net until a measurement is performed on the net in question. The Commish has denied the measurement request, and in his own wordsmith manner stated ‘Bite Me’ and has a contingency plan just in case. Commish has stated if the Sivs are scared of playing in that net I will find somebody who isn’t scared. The PR department shared a picture of the Commish’s top candidate as a backup Siv:
On another note, we are near the Tuesday before Thanksgiving skate and league party after at Nick’s; all are invited and most welcomed.
As we approach the Thanksgiving skate the league has introduced a new award to be issued throughout the season as deemed appropriate. It is the TOOLBAG AWARD.
The TOOLBAG AWARD is to be given to the TNHLer that best demonstrates traits of a tool-bag. Some examples of actions to warrant the award: missing hockey without notice, failing on your beer list duties (forgetting to bring beer or worse, bringing crap beer), being a tool on the ice or just because you are due. This week we have multiple candidates for the award and we need your vote to help decide who should get the TOOLBAG AWARD. Candidates and offenses are listed below
Fricker: No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG
Commish: No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG
White Doug: Lame nickname & No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG
Daddy Pat: Writing a lame BLOG and not having pictures of Boobies & Booties (sorry, work computer)
Our Leading Candidate: Liam No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG.
Further, the last time we saw Liam he said he would see us all the next week (three skates ago) and would have Hot Dogs BBQing in the parking lot. There has been no Liam and more importantly, no BBQ.
Please place your vote on TOOLBAG and work on your stories for calling out sick next
Wednesday. Until Tuesday – Good Skate & Good Night.
Editor's note: You're all toolbags in my eyes ;)
This past week in the TNHL was the third in a recent trend of high scoring at only one end of the rink. The first two weeks victimized SixPack; a usually steady performer between the pipes who in his last two games appeared to be playing dodge ball or impersonating Michael Leighton in a road playoff game. SIxPack took this past week off, the stated reason was a foot injury; but since he has not made a kick save in a month this reason is thought to be a rouse. Our sources report SixPack was seen entering the office of Dr. Joel Fish, well known sports psychologist, to work through his issues. While Six was away finding his inner goalie the TNHL moved forward with a stand-in provided by Shooter, simply known as “Goalie Dave”.
With the stand-in Siv in place guarding the Black net, the night started out with White taking charge with an offensive explosion. Goals from Crafty, Chuck, Quiet Brian, Longpants & Romo within the first 15 minutes set a hurried pace. While the black team could barely generate any offense and were shut down by Trees stellar play. Repeatedly Shooter, Crabby, Brit and his trusty side kick dirty Curty were turned away. The Black team was stunned and left starring at each other looking for answers. At first they took the easy answer and blamed the stand-in Siv as the problem. Could it be Goalie Dave? He wasn’t there the previous 2 weeks; did he borrow
the dodge ball hand book? At the half way point of the clash the goalies switched teams and nets to balance the scoring and put the black team at ease. Problem solved, but no; the scoring by the white team continued AND the black team’s scoring frustration grew as they were stoned repeatedly; this time they were shut down by goalie Dave. So the trend started with Six Pack, then with Goalie Dave and now with Tree; it can’t be all three goalies & black had a stacked roster…. It’s Gotta Be the Net!
The net is the only constant during this goal scoring trend and has no comment. The goalies on the other hand are convinced that this net is larger than the Standard 6’ X 4’ dimensions. Goalie Dave said it looked like he was trying to stop pucks in a soccer net. Many of his team mates agreed. Sources inside the Commish’s office say a grievance has been filed by the Goaltender’s Union demanding a measurement. Rumor has it that the goalies refuse to play in THAT net until a measurement is performed on the net in question. The Commish has denied the measurement request, and in his own wordsmith manner stated ‘Bite Me’ and has a contingency plan just in case. Commish has stated if the Sivs are scared of playing in that net I will find somebody who isn’t scared. The PR department shared a picture of the Commish’s top candidate as a backup Siv:
On another note, we are near the Tuesday before Thanksgiving skate and league party after at Nick’s; all are invited and most welcomed.
As we approach the Thanksgiving skate the league has introduced a new award to be issued throughout the season as deemed appropriate. It is the TOOLBAG AWARD.
The TOOLBAG AWARD is to be given to the TNHLer that best demonstrates traits of a tool-bag. Some examples of actions to warrant the award: missing hockey without notice, failing on your beer list duties (forgetting to bring beer or worse, bringing crap beer), being a tool on the ice or just because you are due. This week we have multiple candidates for the award and we need your vote to help decide who should get the TOOLBAG AWARD. Candidates and offenses are listed below
Fricker: No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG
Commish: No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG
White Doug: Lame nickname & No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG
Daddy Pat: Writing a lame BLOG and not having pictures of Boobies & Booties (sorry, work computer)
Our Leading Candidate: Liam No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG.
Further, the last time we saw Liam he said he would see us all the next week (three skates ago) and would have Hot Dogs BBQing in the parking lot. There has been no Liam and more importantly, no BBQ.
Please place your vote on TOOLBAG and work on your stories for calling out sick next
Wednesday. Until Tuesday – Good Skate & Good Night.
Editor's note: You're all toolbags in my eyes ;)
posted by Crabby at 11/17/2011 11:24:00 PM
13 Comments:
I had a good reason. There was a Star Wars convention in Valley Forge and I am one of the few people out there who can still fit into the Yoda costume.
Liam Montgomery
Forgiven, me think NOT
I vote for Liam for Tool Bag
Commish get's my vote! He is supposed to be our leader and if we can't rely on him to let the league know he won't be on the ice how can we expect the rest of the TNHL to follow. Lead by example you TOOL BAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liam says..
Last time I was at the rink was the game you guys played into a 25 minute overtime. By the time you guys got to the parking lot around 11, I was high as a kite and drunk. Just needed a a couple of weeks off (missed last week and the nite after Frick took me to Mon. nite football). Will be there with flowers in my hair for Thanksgiving skate. If Pat wants I'll deep fry a turkey in the lot. See you Tues. nite boys.
The real Liam
Well done Pat.
Liam - Nothing is worse then watching someone drink beer behind the boards, while we're stuck trying to stop Crabs from dry humping SivPack in the crease.
I cant eat wheat.
Good arguments made for both Commish & Liam. I vote for both; Commish for Tool Bag & Liam for Tool Belt
Daddy Pat
I think Liam could kick the sh%t out of Stephen Hawking in a fight. So I vote for Liam.
I wish to file an official complaint. There is no "black" team. We are DARK or NON WHITE.
LOUD NOISES!!!
Brit out tonight...someone is going to have to work down low with Curty.
ToolBag Awards!
This week ToolBag goes to the Commish for bailing on his own league without notice.
Dishonorable mention & the Tool Belt award goes to Liam for leaving his buddies hanging 3 weeks in a row.
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