WEEKLY UPDATE

Some guys just have a natural ability to lead they just take control of a situation & calmly show all the followers how it is done & some guys just pick the right goalie to play in front of. Either way the Commish playing in just his second game since returning from injury was the guy taking credit for righting the ship as the Dark squad skated to a win.
After the Whites jumped out to a 2-0 lead the Darkies stormed back behind the speed & passing of Spanky, he leads the TNHL in homerun passes. Curty was on the receiving end of a few which turned into goals as was Crabby who was able to unload from the top of the face-off circle, unstoppable when he puts it just inside the post. Daddy Pat was on his game again chipping in at both ends & it appears he may have let his young apprentice go on to face the rest of the season on his own as Moose (old nickname) moved to the White team. Murph was as big a factor before the game as he was during, "The Icepick" cleaned out the goal posts using a move perfected back when he was an IRA hitman. He says the tool also cures slewfoot. Liam & Fricker teamed up as they have in years past frustrating the Whites with their busy fore check leading to some good scoring chances. Carl returned to sure up the backline for the Dark& his speed was key breaking out of his own end. Tim "Opie" Cunningham was flying out there, I swear I saw his hit himself with a homerun pass for a breakaway goal.
The White crew fought back from a deficit late in the game using goals from Johnny Longpants & Quite Brian who teamed up for a combined five that I can remember in the last fifteen minutes. Chuck returned for a self imposed one game suspension & played his typical hard nosed style, he was greeted with all the warmth that the fans in Quebec gave Eric Lindros on his first visit. Chuck did a good job taking the heat & a better job with his feet, lesson learned. By the way Murph carries an icepick. Rudy did his part generating several scoring chances but this was one of those nights when I had HIS number instead of the other way around. Now that Rusty is management he receive certain benefits such as great seats to TNHL games, this week he set up the lovely Buffy with a pretty good seat. Everyone was happy to see our original fan Spongee got so excited he skated over at full speed to say hello only to realize there were boards between he & the Buffster after he smashed against glass. Jaybird teamed with Tony Romo on defense for the White & had a busy night when they weren't jumping in at the offensive end they were back helping out Tree. As we have come to expect from Tree he battled the entire game, after going cold for a bit he settled down & was his solid self down the stretch. He also did a nice job with the beer supplying a fine assortment of LaBatt's products for the boys after the game & the fan during.

BUFFY UPDATE

Dark wins. White loses. Beer good. And the real reason Peco moved Rusty indoors.
WEEKLY UPDATE to follow.

WEEKLY UPDATE

It's hard to say if it was just an off night between the pipes or the pressure of the return of the Commish, but the difference in this one was the goal tending. Tree answered the bell, allowing only two goals on the night & leading the White boys to a blowout win. JD returned to the line up & as is usually the case, scored two goals early on, neither one was pretty but they opened the scoring & shook the confidence of yours truly. The Dark squad showed plenty of jump & looked like they were going to cut into the lead as Spanky made an end to end rush. Using his speed & moves he looked less like that fine Jewish boy we know & love & more like a European import of the Nordic persuasion, then his shot wide on an open net. We now know he is not Finish! Back to the Whites, with the game still close a goal from Tony Romo & two more from Quiet Brian stretched the lead to five. On defense for the Whites Rusty, Johnny Longpants, & Tiny Tim continued to frustrate the Darkies. After the first Dark goal Digger picked up a goal followed by a couple from Rudy who was as fast & physical all game, but Crabby did a nice job keeping him in check with some physical play of his own. Spongee enjoyed the laugher finding himself on the doorstep with a chance to score on a couple of occasions. Oddly though, the closest he came was his pattented slap shot breakout from beside his own net that finally found its way on goal forcing a save. The Commish played well in his return & was his usual chirping self claiming to be the reason for the White teams success.
The Darkies deserved a better effort in goal, Murph was in a much better mood this week & did a nice job & Fricker continues to play well. Jaybird had a nice save on a sure goal after the puck slid through me & towards an open net. Shooter & Daddy Pat did their part but Tree was spectacular when he needed to be. Curty, Liam & Kevin also had a quiet night on the scoreboard but did a good job in their own zone. Next week I will try not to suck. I think the White team is getting into my head, just this morning I saw Johnny Longpants out front of the job site in Center City.What's next, will Chuck show up at my doctor seeking treatment for a bad case of slewfoot?
At least the LaBatt's were cold.

Babe vs Babe

Left or right?

WHERE IS THE COMMISH?

By Daddy Phat

Commish was in the hospital on bed rest with an “Infection”. It is thought he may have received the infection through a small cut on his foot and it may have happened because he didn’t wear socks (sanitary hose) with his hockey skates. However it happened, sources said he was like a caged animal every day in the hospital (gerbil, we think) but his health improved daily. He spent his days watching Jerry Springer and identifying potential role models from the panel of distinguished guest on the show. He was drawn to the show by the things he had in common with the guest. They all skipped days from work; spend most of the day in bed and haven’t worn pants or showered in days.

While in the hospital and due to no fault of his own, the Commish was unable to bath himself with all the tubes and needles stuck in him; so, of course he began to gain an aroma. Nurses suggested since he could not shower as usual that maybe he should opt for a sponge bath. Hearing this, the Commish began screaming uncontrollably ramblings like “no bath from Sponge Bob, no bath from Sponge Bob”.






Hospital staff had no other choice but to sedate the Commish, which they did successfully. Resting comfortably and calm, the original problem of stench still needed to be addressed. The aroma had gotten so bad that hospital officials came to discuss the situation with him and explained that a sponge bath was NECESSARY and would be performed by a trained professional and that it could be a very soothing and relaxing experience. Still apprehensive, the Commish needed more convincing. The hospital staff gathered and did some brain storming and came up with an idea of using audio video aids to persuade him. Once they showed the “Sponge Bath” episode of Seinfeld the Commish had his concerns eased and agreed to the bath. As he waited for the bath, he thought of how nice it will be to be clean and imagined the gentle touch of a well trained professional just like Seinfeld. Well he sat there with anticipation envisioning a gorgeous, young and eager nurse that would soon be there to care for his bath needs, get him clean all while staying a “little dirty”. What would she look like? A blonde, redhead?




His mind was racing as he thought about the upcoming event, all he had to do was complete the red tape paper work and then his bath, Ahhhhh….

The hospital Administrator came into his room and reviewed his Health Insurance and explained his coverage. It wasn’t quite as good insurance as he had thought, but OK so he won’t get the young gorgeous nurse. He would be fine with a pretty nurse and hell they are all young compared to him, so it’s still good. The Administrator went on to explain that with the change in the White House and the new social policies implemented his insurance coverage would not match what he has been paying for in his check each week. In this new “spread the wealth” system he would need to accept lesser services so that some guy he doesn’t know, that doesn’t have insurance could receive health care as well. So the Commish thinks, this stinks, but it is only a sponge bath how can this be affected. So the Commish agrees and is off for his sponge bath.

Who he got, OR who got him




Shocked and horrified by the nurse and the experience the Commish had a melt down. Apparently the stress and anxiety of the whole affair had left him mentally exhausted. He was heard to state he was as surprised to see “That” nurse as he was to get a pass from Shooter. Well the statement was overheard by hospital staff who, by law, has to report dangerous statements. Seems you can not use the words surprised and shooter in the same sentence anymore without being considered a risk. When reported, the Commish was detained for observation and counseling.





So….Where has the Commish been the past few Tuesdays?

Well, due to his mental exhaustion and dangerous statements; he has been in sessions with his doctor every Tuesday night since.






Seems in sessions with Dr. Sigmund Fraud the Commish has shared stories of his TNHL friends; Dr. there is Tony Romo, Tiny Tim, Sponge Bob, Crabby and Sixpack. The doctor has explained to the Commish that imaginary friends are fine for a young child, but as a grown man he should interact with reality and meet real people as friends. Which makes the Commish state; No, no They ARE real. The doctor scuffs at him and says what about the scarecrow and tin man? The Commish screams; THERE WAS A TIN MAN, he moved to LA last year. I also have a friend Rusty, who gives me deer dick. This causes the doctor to recommend more treatment and counseling for the following Tuesdays. So now the Commish fines himself in a catch 22; Every time he talks to the doctor trying to get free from the mental health system, he gets in trouble when he mentions his “Imaginary Friends”. You would think he would talk about other friends, outside of TNHL, but apparently he doesn’t have any. The Commish is still trying to be free of the Health System. Hopefully he has the sense to tell them he is homeless so they will release him on the streets of Philadelphia.

To think this all could have been avoided if the Commish wore socks with his hockey skates, knew what a sponge bath was, a republican was president and he had some friends with real names or real friends he could name.

Come back soon Commish. All this peace and love on the ice is driving us crazy!

WEEKLY UPDATE

The warm weather & the release of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue must have gotten the juices flowing. Both benches were overflowing which means it was a good pace. The Darkie skated away with this one after some shaky goal tending allowed a three goal lead slip away. Spritle & Curty Downlow were up to their old tricks using some long passes to set up some sweet goals for the Darkies. Curty may have sealed the deal with the people from "Enzite" picking out the spot on the end boards where he thinks the advertisement should be placed by making his stick an interesting prop. Shooter continues his quest to lead the TNHL in goals despite his recent hip replacement surgery. It looks like dyslexia may be a side effect of the surgery, on the rare occurrence that Shooter is in his own zone with the puck on his stick he appears to be bearing down on his own goalie with the blue line behind him. Carl returned after a long absence due to injury & played well, as expected, ending the longest menstrual cycle in history. Fricker turned in another A game & is having a career year. Somehow Quiet Brian ended up in a Dark jersey & was a welcomed addition, his leadership along with that of Daddy Pat has helped rookie sensation Kevin almost master the art of hopping over the boards. That trio was all over the stat sheet, Daddy Pat & Quiet Brian usually are but now the rookie has a goal in two straight. I wonder what his jersey will proclaim him to be this week. Murph got a little fired up this week & his game had an edge to it which made my job a little easier, as did my pre-game talk with Jbird, his scouting reports & stay at home style are something I look forward to.
The White squad let a good effort from Tree slip away. Early on he made an unbelievable glove save after a scramble in the slot & had several more great saves throughout. Johnny Longpants brought along his little side kick Digger this week & they teamed up for a couple of goals, JLP was really flying in this one. Tiny Tim's wife let him rejoin us this week, either that or he hid the " Honey-Do-List" under the new floor. Tim was another guy that was all over the ice & scored the last goal of the night. Rusty started slowly but after a brief word from our sponsors he played large grinning like "Smiling Bob" after scoring a goal. Tony Romo didn't see his usual amount of ice time due to the crowded benches but he was effective none the less, breaking up several Dark chances & pitching in on offense. Rudy picked up his weekly points but was mostly handled by a strong defensive effort from the Darkies. Chuck was Chuck, playing his trademark chaotic style. He did manage to wake a sleeping giant in Murph with a slewfoot.

SLEWFOOT: Sweeping you leg behind the skates of your opponent in an attempt to make that person fall to the ice on his back. Dangerous, Dirty, Cheap.
In Chuck's defense he said he did not Know what he had done to Murph, this should help clear up any confusion & hopefully will prevent this from happening in the future.

On a lighter note, pucks were flying out of the rink last night into all parts of the arena. So what are the chances that the same fan would get two pucks in the same game! Crazy.
The goal of the night came off the stick of Crabby, trust me it was a laser, I mean I never saw the puck just the vapor trail. Then there was Spongee play full tilt as always, at one point he had dropped his stick but instead of quitting on the play Spongee back checked without it. In what appeared to be a show of sportsmanship the Dark team tried to give him his stick back I then realized we wanted him to have his stick with the puck somewhere near it, that's when good things happen. What can you say about Liam, he would never tell anyone about what he does in his free time but I have pictures. Here he is after fighting fires in Australia Liam found time to give a koala bear some spring water, what a guy.
Peter Forsberg continues his search for a comfortable skate, hopefully the Commish will return this week. The rookie did a great job with the beer & sported the nicest cooler ever rolled into the room.

Which one is Brit?

"You Broke The Darn Car!"


Contributed by: Daddy Pat

WEEKLY UPDATE

The night was as cold as the beer, only because Spongee packed the cooler with plenty of Canadian soft drinks as well as plenty of snow from his yard (some may have been yellow). As for the game, the White boys skated away with a one goal victory by virtue of the NEXT GOAL WINS rule which came into play this week. Both sides turned in a scrappy effort getting contributions from up & down the line up.The Bonner Connection was four strong this week as Rudy teamed with Quiet Brian to lead the way up front while Daddy Pat & Spongee worked the back line. Chuck had his usual handful of chances while Liam continues to play at a top level picking up more key assists. Meanwhile, Johnny Longpants & Tony Romo played at their typical high level on the blue line & jumping in on the offensive end with a couple of goals of their own. In goal Tree continued his strong play using a quick glove hand & a butterfly style that resembles J.S. Giguere at the top of his game.
The Dark squad played just as well on the night, on defense Murph & Jaybird were stellar keeping things under control in their own end. The Whites fell behind early but fought back & were able to even the score with the help of Curty & Shooter who have become a dangerous duo. Shooter actually passed up an open net & fed a pass to Curty for a slam dunk goal. Crabby continues to play both ends of the ice using a relentless back checking effort to set up scoring chances. Britter, I mean Spritle, & Rusty turned defense to offense every chance they got leading rushes into the Dark zone every chance they got. Fricker shows up late but played possibly his best game in his TNHL career, scoring, setting up goals, fore checking & back checking he even played a few shifts on defense. Amazing what a weekend without porn will do for the legs. The big story on the night was Kevin's first goal of his TNHL career (thanks to some lazy defensive coverage from Quiet Brian) breaking the longest drought between goals in history, some THIRTY years. Kevin is pictured here many years ago with the puck from his last goal & in honor of this achievement the TNHL has awarded him this puck holder

Along with this we at the TNHL will welcome Kevin to THE BEER LIST! Kev you will be up this week as Carl has not been skating lately & is due to bring beer this Tuesday. Two cases of LaBatt's will due just fine.
Now for the medical update, The Commish is close to returning & will do so as soon as his foot feel right. He has contacted Peter Forsberg for some advice. I, on the other hand am having some discomfort in the pelvic area, some of you believe it may be a problem with my ovaries or that I had taken a shot off a fallopian tube all of this is very funny but not true. I plan on getting in a good stretch for a couple of days & getting back out there with you guys despite soaring estrogen levels.

Funny commercial

Courtesy of dirty Curty: Durex Commercial

Shameless post to get the fat chick off the blog ...

Viola! no more fat canadians fan on the blog ;)