Week 8 - Lineup

While Joe is recovering from a serious sunburn, Tree will be between the pipes!

White= Crabby, Commish,Frick,JD Longstick,Carl,Billy,Sponge, Shooter TREE IN NET

Darkies= Adam, Adam's gay freind, Adams other gay friend, Brian, Brians brother,Cone Wils, Chucky,Jeff, Tommy, DENNIS IN NET

Game 7 Summary

As usual, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving turned out to be a good skate with plenty of subs. The pace was almost the same speed as Daddy Pat & Dennis Siv Dennis getting dressed. For the first time in TNHL history the game ended in a tie, thanks to a little nepotism. Young Joe McCloskey, all keyed up from paging thruogh the Victoria Secret Christmas Cataloge, waited until the old legs of the Darkies began to tire & netted two late goals. With the score 7-7 the zamboni doors opened and the drinking began. SivPack must have read the latest copy of USA Hockey Magazine because he managed to stop a few shots this week & more importantly keep Spongee from scoring. A special thanks must go out to Mrs. Billy for the lovley note, Buffy this will be a tough one to top but I'm sure you will top it. Missing this week was Brian Patterson's sister, he passed out on the couch after that second dozen dounuts. Well, I hope everyone enjoys thier holiday, if we eat like we play ther will be quite a mess to clean up.

A VIEW FROM THE CREASE

How has CARL "HURRICANE" UNGER managed to fly under the e-mail rader for all these years?

The COMMISH washed his gear but he still stunk

SIXPACK

Week 7 - Lineup

Same sides as last week minus Frickasee and Billy Leach. I think there's a 50-50 chance that Frank will be there to sharpen skates.

Note from Billy's Missus:

Bill wanted to let you know that there is a possiblity he will be stuck late tonight at work.So he does not know if he will be at hockey.If I find out he will be there I will let you know.
Thanks Mrs. Billy

No more anonymous posts!

If you comment or post, please sign your work! I'm going to start deleting the anonymous posts so it won't be so easy to frame sixpack!

-Bettman

Game 6 Summary - from the crease

BAD SUNBURN CAUSES DELAY
Sorry to get this out so late, neck was badly scorched, like that was not enough I had to deal with the fact that Spongee scored, something I know he wont let me forget in the weeks to come.Anyway it was a good old fashion ass kicking. The score would have been much closer than 14-6 if not for Dennis "Dougie Favell" St. Dennis. They were comming at us in waves & the only thing that could stop the whites was the back of the net. We will have a few new nicknames until further notice. Shooteris now Pop-gun .... Commish- coMISS.... Tree- Stump.... Sivpack-Ray Charles...... Crabby-Flabby....SpeedBump-Bump.


A VIEW FROM THE CREASE
Pop-gun will say he is open if he is sitting on the bench

An hour & a half is a long time to pretend your a goalie

Ray Charles


photo: Billy Leach in action Tuesday night

Beer Problem

You hustle all night. Some look forward to an Ice Cold Beverage. In Ruses case something else. But when there's only one beer left and 2 thirsty guys its time to go to Nicks! Jeff thanks for offering your beer, But let me say I saw "Floater's in it so no thanks.

Iceman and Dunfee were back tonight and what a night, I'll wait for Joey's Comments or Daddy Pat's Comment's.

Next Week after the game its going to be a Crabby Event!@#$%^&*()_+
Translate That (hint: the estblishment's decor usually consists of poles and couches)


Buffy's response
Gentlemen,

For those who may have been looking forward to a cold beer at the end of the game, I'm pretty sure Russ- having gotten his cold beer in the parking lot-had the better idea. While it is fun to accentuate the evenings goal scoring sitting behind some sticky brew establishment verbally punishing the losing team, there are some things worth going home for! Of course, you guys probably expended all of your energy on the ice and probably wouldn't know anything about that. Luckily Russ was able to save some of his energy for after the game and as Spongee said, "what a night"! Don't be jealous of Russ...sometimes, he has to do, what he has to do to keep his "agent" happy!! His contract depends on it!

Speaking of a top player who has an agent whiney enough to be a woman....did anyone, besides me, go to the Eagles game and practically cry during the last three minutes? You can admit if you cried, it won't make you any less of a hockey player!! When will they stop tugging on the bandwagon's harness and actually pull their weight? I am tired of the emotional strain placed on the fans by the offense. I could understand if they played in the TNHL, but this is SERIOUS!! They have to be able to move and chew gum at the same time! I was thinking of sending your names in as possible candidates to fill in some needed positions, but I have no idea if you move any faster without skates!

I hear Dennis St. Dennis deserves kudos for putting up an enormous amout of saves last night! Well done St. D!

Buffy :-))

Game 6 Summary

This is the Whitey's team photo taken prior to the game. And from there, it just got worse.

Week 6 - Lineup

Skaters, Pat, Cone, Spongee, tonight marks the return of the Cone he has served his three week suspension and can play tonight if he apologizes to all of us on the ice. I'm dissappointed in all the banter about our beloved Sponge! He really fell of a one foot ladder shame on Buckballs for kicking a spineless Sponge when he's down. Bucky has to be stopped therefore tonight its the same sides as last week with Sponge verse Bucky.

Frank will NOT be there for skate sharpening.

Chuck, 10:15 Springfield Ice Rink. Lockeroom 3 and 4.

Crabmaster please post and include the Iceman's (Cone) new e-mail address.

Good day , Good hockey gents

Sponge Rant

People are funny, You miss once and your on the shit list. I fell off a 1 foot ladder and landed on my backside. I told Liam that and then he makes fun! Gloves come off next week.

The Cone I mean Iceman Wilson misses that's OK. Russ "The Nymphomaniac"
misses he is Excused because he brings in stripped bass. Daddy Pat misses due to changing Poopie diapers that's OK
6 pack Joey misses goals all night wells "That's Normal"
Are Commish out due to Anniversary well we'll that that one go! I saw Capt'n Dan last night at Bonner vs. Prep, he saw my cast on my back. He OK'ed my miss!
JD misses, Well we expect that now!!!!!!!

Chuck the big scorer last week, What did he buy another $300.00 stick?
Daddy Pat thanks for that update. You wrote a small novel nice job.

Tonight Beef n Beer at Brownies on the main Line for Bonner Ice Hockey
Stop by and spend some of that money. 7:00 till ?
SeeYou Tuesday

Signed Bobby Orr

Game 5 Summary - from the crease

Crazy game last Tuesday, was there a full moon because there sure were some full nets. The pace was fast & furios right through warm-up.Nice job turned in by Jay for the whites & Fricker & Chuck had it going for the darkies. Daddy Pat tried to level the ice by keeping everyone from having thier skates sharpened. The Commish was back in the line up, heard him in the locker room, didn't notice him on the ice. The Bonner Connection had some issues Jeff "Mr. Fornias" Craskey yelled something about not getting it up. Meanwhile Tommy "Fathead" Dolantold him he should see Alice. Spongie was missing, reports out of Ocean City claim he hurt his back in an altercation outside a mens room at bthe Frank S. Farley rest stop on the A.C. Expressway. Also among the missing was Dennis "IceMan" Wilson, his third week ion a row, therefore he has been suspeneded by the team until he apoligizes for his play.

A new feature this week: A VIEW FROM THE CREASE
- After years of working on his game Chuckhas made himself into quite the mediocre hockey player.

-By the last 15 minutes of the night Billy Leach has the best hands I've ever seen on a statue.- Speed Bump, please stop knocking Crabby down its taking him longer to get up each time

Game 5 Summary

This past week was a fun pace struggle with the dark team winning in the end. The night was made special by the return to action by the Commish.

Last week we missed the commish & sent out an APB for him. After searching homeless shelters, women's book club meetings & gay bath houses Dan was found. As we have come to learn, the Commish missed last weeks tilt to celebrate his anniversary. This week he returned still glowing & sentimental from the event and continued the celebration by wearing a special comemitive jersey. He tried to tell us the three pictures were Larry, Moe & Curly of theThree Stooges, but a closer look showed the pictures were all of Dan from different periods of his life (8th grade graduation, high school graduation & his wedding day.) Either way the Commish did not disappoint and played like the men pictured on his jersey would be expected. ( Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk)

The week had its downs as well. We are still missing some key members of the league. The league has people investigating the wherabouts and status of our missing league mates and here are the latest updates...

JD.... ????? Nobody knows anything definite regarding this player whereabouts. Rumors have had him sighted in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey.

This was later proven to be a Jersey Devil... Scott Stevens I think.
Another rumor had him sighted in the US / Canadian northwest, however close examination of film showed this to be a creature with thick flowing hair and was determined to be Bigfoot. The last rumor floating around has JD finding religion and working as a missionary in Thialand. Whatever the wherabouts of John we hope to see him out on the ice soon.

Spongee: Apparently Spongee missed this past week due to sore back. This excuse is under review by the league to see if it is valid. Management has contested Spongees injury report stating Sponges don't have backs, therefore can not have back injuries. Explaination on how he injured his back will weigh heavy to determine the outcome of this dispute. Investigators have a few leeds they are following up. Here are some of the theories....

One report has him moonlighting to supplement his income now that all the boats in there Saran Wraped for the winter. He has been reported to be working as a kitchen sponge. Reports are chef's like his work & say he is a real suck up. Another report has him working on the risque side. Details can not be shared in this family friendly e-mail, but it can be said men are being evaulated to see if they are sponge worthy. The last theory, which seems to be supported by the most evidence, has Spongee getting into a car accident and injurying his back, not in the accident, but in the confrontation that ensued. (crabby, please attached the audio of the witneesed accident here). Details of this accident are described by a bystander.

Dennis Wilson AKA "DW" , Cone, Pilon; For the past few weeks we have all thought Dennis Wilson was anable to join us due to work commitments, this has been found not to be the case. The commish has made it known that he has suspended Wilson for multiple league infractions. The commish stated he made every effort to keep the news of this suspension "In House" but thought it was best to go public with his ruling when he learned the news was leaked out of the league offices. The infractions that resulted in the suspension
include:

J-Walking...on the ice
Attempt to injury TNHL players: Apparently the commish feel Dennis has been trying to injury our goalies for years. He feels NO player in the league could shoot as many times as Dennis and consistently hit the goaltenders.
The Commish feels this must be deliberate action since there is no evidence of any of Dennis' shots hitting net.
Inpersonating a hockey player
Actions Detrimental to the sport of Hockey Littering

The Commish is requiring Dennis to apologise to his league mates before returning to action. Dennis was asked a few questions regarding the circumstances. Some questions & responses can be seen below;

Question / Answer Session:

Dennis, how do you feel about the suspension? Next Question!
Will you apologise for your actions? Next Question!
Are you going to appeal your suspension? Next Question!
When do plan to return to action? Next Question!

We hope all of our league mates above can return to the fold & join us on Tuesday soon.

On a scheduling note Frank the skate sharppening man was unable to join us last night due to equipment failure. He WILL be there next Tuesday around 9:30 PM to sharpen skates for $5 a pair

This information is from the Office of The Commisioner, Dan Straube and he approves of this message.

Week 5 - Lineup

WHITE = Tree, Crabby, Carl, Dan, Buckballs, Billy, Jay, Adam, Chucky (who the Eff is Buckballs?)


DARK= Jeff, Tommy, Shooter, Sponge, Cone-Wilson(OUT), Buffy, Frickwood, Pat the butcher, Brians brother

Sivs who cares.

10:15 tonight Springfield Ice Rink. Lockers 3 and 4. Skate sharpening provided by Daddy-Pat Inc.(Pat can also IR scan your edges for a discount)


Regards Absent Commish




Need a sub the orange practice cone is missing tonight. -commish

Lt Dang MIA

Guys we have missing hockey player. Lt Dang is MIA! He wasn't at hockey on Tuesday. No, I mean really wasn't there. I know most weeks he isn't noticed on the ice so it seems like his not there, but this week he was not at the rink. This is serious. He is THE COMMISH! The Commish missing TNHL is like the Pope missing mass! It just doesn't happen. We need action.

Can anyone work on Flyers? I think we should post them on utility poles.
Hey, maybe we can get his picture on the same milk cartons as Dunfee.
Anyone have a picture we can use.

I have spoken to Chuck about it & he is going to investigate. I told Chuck Lt Dang must be missing because he wasn't at hockey and he asked a few questions like ....

What night is hockey night?
What time do we start?
Where do you play?
Has he been missing for 24 hours.....in a row? etc

-daddy pat

Game 4 Summary

well it finally happened, thats right spongee scored, but it was in defeat as then darkies aka the washington generals pulled this one out. the mvp for the night had to be mrs. commish for keeping her kitchen bitch out of the line up, by the way happy aniversy Karen your a lucky woman... no really. anyway back to the game great effort from dennis st. dennis between the pipes keeping the white squad off the board most of the night, and the darkies had just enough offense to win for the first time this year(most likelyn the last}.the Bonner connection was five deep tonight and they also had help from the o'hara speed bump liam as he took on all commers at the blue line. well time for bed , don't think I'll have much trouble sleeping tonight. sign up for fantasy hockey. out!

-joe sivpack