THANKSGIVING UPDATE

Our annual Thanksgiving Week game is typically one of our best attendance wise and its usually reflected in the pace of play. This week did not disappoint, almost all the stars came out, missing this week makes you a special kind of tool bag.

The game lived up to the hype as the Darkies skated off with a close win behind youngster Craiger's explosive offensive display, Craig's skating is only slightly slower than his Sandusky quick hands. Tree did well to keep him from scoring a bucket full of goals.Opie And White Doug made so much noise in the offensive zone it sounded like a shower at Penn State. An interesting style of defense looked like it was catching on last night, not sure what you would call it but I'm guessing that falling flat on your back at your own blueline is not going to be the next can't miss system. I'm getting reports that there may be an investigation into the size of Daddy Pat's stick allegedly Zdeno Chara returned the sticks in question because they were to long for him. Looks like Crafty has figured out half of the "give & go", a staple of a good offense, his family is hoping he figures out the other half of the play before someone needs him to pass the gravy on Thursday. Fricker played one hell of a game scoring more than enough Mother approved goals while Chuck attempted to stab me in the throat, remove my head and return to his "Hockey Tower" in the locker room with a trophy.
This game had everything that makes the TNHL great; good, fast (at times) hockey, good goaltending, and
great ball breaking followed by a Thanksgiving treat. Like this one here, Wayne Gretzky's Daughter! Rusty delivered on his promise of Deer Dick and Romo completed the traditional Thanksgiving meal with some soft pretzels, just like the Pilgrims had. Crabby and Shooter took an uncomfortable liking to the deer dick and told Rusty they were happy he went the Second Mile on the sausage. Murph did a nice job with a cold case of LaBatt's to prime the pump and get most of the crew over to Nick's for you guessed it....more sausage, all dudes, Liam said it reminded him of a lemon party or something and Spongee wanted to split a turkey sandwich.
I'm out next week because of another stint on night work, hopefully it will only be a week.


By the way looks like Chuck might have hooked up at Nick's last night but as I said it was all men so....

It’s Gotta Be the Net! (aka War & Peace) (by Daddy Pat)

I am your guest scribe for the week, so bear with me as I bring you my view from the bench…

This past week in the TNHL was the third in a recent trend of high scoring at only one end of the rink. The first two weeks victimized SixPack; a usually steady performer between the pipes who in his last two games appeared to be playing dodge ball or impersonating Michael Leighton in a road playoff game. SIxPack took this past week off, the stated reason was a foot injury; but since he has not made a kick save in a month this reason is thought to be a rouse. Our sources report SixPack was seen entering the office of Dr. Joel Fish, well known sports psychologist, to work through his issues. While Six was away finding his inner goalie the TNHL moved forward with a stand-in provided by Shooter, simply known as “Goalie Dave”.

With the stand-in Siv in place guarding the Black net, the night started out with White taking charge with an offensive explosion. Goals from Crafty, Chuck, Quiet Brian, Longpants & Romo within the first 15 minutes set a hurried pace. While the black team could barely generate any offense and were shut down by Trees stellar play. Repeatedly Shooter, Crabby, Brit and his trusty side kick dirty Curty were turned away. The Black team was stunned and left starring at each other looking for answers. At first they took the easy answer and blamed the stand-in Siv as the problem. Could it be Goalie Dave? He wasn’t there the previous 2 weeks; did he borrow
the dodge ball hand book? At the half way point of the clash the goalies switched teams and nets to balance the scoring and put the black team at ease. Problem solved, but no; the scoring by the white team continued AND the black team’s scoring frustration grew as they were stoned repeatedly; this time they were shut down by goalie Dave. So the trend started with Six Pack, then with Goalie Dave and now with Tree; it can’t be all three goalies & black had a stacked roster…. It’s Gotta Be the Net!



The net is the only constant during this goal scoring trend and has no comment. The goalies on the other hand are convinced that this net is larger than the Standard 6’ X 4’ dimensions. Goalie Dave said it looked like he was trying to stop pucks in a soccer net. Many of his team mates agreed. Sources inside the Commish’s office say a grievance has been filed by the Goaltender’s Union demanding a measurement. Rumor has it that the goalies refuse to play in THAT net until a measurement is performed on the net in question. The Commish has denied the measurement request, and in his own wordsmith manner stated ‘Bite Me’ and has a contingency plan just in case. Commish has stated if the Sivs are scared of playing in that net I will find somebody who isn’t scared. The PR department shared a picture of the Commish’s top candidate as a backup Siv:



On another note, we are near the Tuesday before Thanksgiving skate and league party after at Nick’s; all are invited and most welcomed.

As we approach the Thanksgiving skate the league has introduced a new award to be issued throughout the season as deemed appropriate. It is the TOOLBAG AWARD.




The TOOLBAG AWARD is to be given to the TNHLer that best demonstrates traits of a tool-bag. Some examples of actions to warrant the award: missing hockey without notice, failing on your beer list duties (forgetting to bring beer or worse, bringing crap beer), being a tool on the ice or just because you are due. This week we have multiple candidates for the award and we need your vote to help decide who should get the TOOLBAG AWARD. Candidates and offenses are listed below

Fricker: No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG

Commish: No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG

White Doug: Lame nickname & No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG

Daddy Pat: Writing a lame BLOG and not having pictures of Boobies & Booties (sorry, work computer)

Our Leading Candidate: Liam No Show with No Notice Posted on the BLOG.

Further, the last time we saw Liam he said he would see us all the next week (three skates ago) and would have Hot Dogs BBQing in the parking lot. There has been no Liam and more importantly, no BBQ.

Please place your vote on TOOLBAG and work on your stories for calling out sick next
Wednesday. Until Tuesday – Good Skate & Good Night.


Editor's note: You're all toolbags in my eyes ;)

First Blowout of the Season

The whities destroyed the darkies and shooter is never allowed to recommend goalies ever again. Six, we missed you between the pipes. For the darkies, even the high-scoring dirty/brit combo couldn't get going. Chuck played the game of his life for the whities and scored about 43 goals. Maybe that had something to do with the Commish not being there to "coach" him. The rest of you slackers who took the night off are dead to us. Except Opie, he had a note from his Mom.

WEEKLY UPDATE

Well I was wrong, it was not the south end of the rink after all, must be me. The White squad lit up the Darkies this week allowing a mere 3 goals until late in the game while pumping home more than enough to win in a blow-out.

Rusty had a glazed look in his eyes and played like a man on a mission, he treated me like I was going to be on the menu instead of deer dick. When Crafty comes up on the beer list make sure he brings cans, the way he is going through sticks this year I don't trust him carrying bottles. The Gluten twins were on their game this week chipping in at both ends of the ice and the Commish yapped his way to another win picking up the beer frame goal. Romo played his normal A game breaking up Dark rushes and jumping in at the offensive end. Johnny Long Pants did much of the same and scored at least three that I can remember. Crabby played a physical game this week banging his way all over the rink with a real hunger for the net, I know this because he tried to make me into a crab cake late in this one.
The darkies got off to a great start scoring three gaols early on. Opie, White Doug and Chuck led the charge....Then Tree shut the door! We tried everything, we ran the "Brit & Chase" that didn't work, the "Curty Downlow" was turned aside Spongee even tried the "Horny Poodle" & the "Pink Lipstick", nothing Tree was not giving in, Shooters frustration level was at an all time high & there was a real fear that he was going to go GLEN on us, he threatened to leave the ice at 10:15 even if the zamboni doors were not open, so we waved a puck under his nose and he snapped out of it. Flounder played his usual strong positional game and gave his weekly 100% effort but at times the White boys had us pinned down like a prom date.
The pace was good due to some sharp skate thanks to Hans so the suds went quick, the Commish supplied the frosty LaBatt's to cap a good skate.
Nothing to report from the shower.
Til next week

SKATE SHARPENING TONIGHT

Now that I have your attention
Frank aka Hans (think Mighty Ducks) will be at the rink tonight to sharpen skates and eliminate excuses.

SPOOKY UPDATE

The Dark squad hammered the Whites this week behind a relentless forecheck and solid goaltending. To the White boys credit they hung tough but could not overcome the 3 for 1 exchange they were getting for their goals. Let me just say I sucked, I did not make one save when we really needed it, and of course I have a theory.
Most of the current TNHL crew fondly remember Dennis St. Dennis as the outstanding goalie that sadly had his "T" career cut shot due to what was believed to be a hip injury. Dennis patrolled the south end of the rink on a weekly basis & from time to time would have "one of those nights" that would result in a stick smashing over his net. Most of the TNHL'ers would attribute these nights to the number of games Dennis played, sometimes five a week, or his advanced age lets just say he is no longer draft eligible. Well this may not have been the case after all, I believe there may be a "Bermuda Triangle" phenomena at work down there. I back up my theory with these facts
-Just before I left for the rink I ate two "fun size" $100,000 candy bars, big money right, then I go Bryzgolov on my team and did not have any FUN!
-Chuck was on time at 8:45 but left early
-Earlier in the day I enjoyed a conversation with my mother-in-law.
Still think I'm crazy, Dennis St,Dennis is still playing all over Delaware County trying to make it back to the SHOW & the mysterious hip injury....turns out it was a TWISTED TESTICLE! Who does that without a super-natural force, this Guy???


Anyway, once again we had a member of our esteemed fraternity go above and beyond for the boys this week- Rusty, while in the throws of a crazy October blizzard shunned his PECO responsibility leaving thousands of customers without power and produced the most important cog in the TNHL engine, that's right we have our BEER LIST. Finally a reason to read the Blog. I guess all that hard work wore Russ out because he tool bagged this weeks skate. Shooter paid homage to Rusty and Dennis by filling the Saint's cooler with Moosehead and Liam bundled up for a tailgate with a back up case of Molson.
Till next week.