Phillies Parade

Unbelievable mass of people in one place! Phenomenal! I was near city hall and it was 20 rows deep on the sidewalk!

WEEKLY UPDATE

On a night MLB Commissioner Bud Selig would have seen fit to play a World Series game the boy's ignored the howling wind & the driving rain & headed out to the old barn for another battle. The Darkies skated away with their first win in the last three games. A relentless fore check & great back checking was the key to this victory. Daddy Pat had a real jump in his skates & played like a guy half his age, scoring at least three times while setting up a few others. At on point he had a breakaway from just outside his own blue line, skating about as fast as a Polaroid instant picture develops Pat tucked in a sweet backhander. Kurty Downlow & Quite Brian were also demons creating turnovers & slowing the White attack by clogging the neutral zone. On defense The Hurricane,sporting his new SNAP ON Jersey, teamed with Timmy & used their speed to keep the shots to the outside & cleared away the rebounds. Free wheeling Britter & Bbq Jay were just as effective on the back line as the Darkies allowed only four goals on the night. Liam scored big on the night netting the BEER FRAME goal & supplied the frosty LaBatt's for the boys afterwords.
On the other side the Whites had a tough night, Crafty, Fricker, Spongee & Murph would all have good chances but could not sustain much pressure on the Darkies. Rusty, riding a wave of confidence after a fine job of setting up the all important BEER LIST, couldn't solve the Darkies. Johnny Longpants was able to get on the board but not as often as he would like, the same can be said for Tony Romo, Bill's nickname will remain the same until someone comes up with a better one. Crabby got so frustrated he was in the locker room complaining about the Grammar (whatever that is) on the Blog. I think the problem with the Whites was the fact that Chuck was sitting out Mondays rain delay at Citizens Bank Park.
I rarely wait this long to mention Tree but this week I felt he needed his own paragraph. Being a goalie I understand the importance of the rituals of the game; take the same route to the rink every game, put your pads on the same way every time etc you don't challenge the hockey gods. Up to last week he had done all of the same things & then it happened, he changed spots in the dressing room, a spot he has kept for years, a spot where he grew into a TNHL all-star, the spot he used even after his change in lifestyle/position. His new spot? You guessed it The DSTD Bench, the spot reserved for the only player in TNHL history to have his initials retired. How can you expect to keep up the level of play necessary to perform in the TNHL after taking in that spot? Think of last years rookie phenom Frank Papa, he sat in that seat where is he this year. Their are some things in hockey that you just don't mess with, Tree may as well get the word SHUTOUT tattooed across his forehead.
How about the Commish, there is no way he will ever be voted out of his position as our leader as long as he continues to give us gifts like he did this week. The official T-shirt of the TNHL will now be on display in some of the most respected dives in Delaware County. He even gave on to our fan as a gift for being our one millionth fan, she is a mere 999,983 people from attaining that title. She is a lock the be the one.
PHILLIES ARE WORLD CHAMPIONS
NOW IT IS OFF TO FRANKFORD & COTTMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The perfect wife

WEEKLY UPDATE

The quick pace continued this week which usually happens when we have full benches. The Darkies were out to avenge a big loss last week & put forth a much better effort from the goalie out. The Whites matched the level of play throughout so it was a pretty good game. Although the crowd numbers were down from a season high of four to just one this week, the boys really put on a show. Big shots, nice saves & plenty of scoring kept the game entertaining, at one point I thought the fan was trying to start the wave, turns out she was just getting up to go to the bathroom.
After challenging his team the Commish led by example scoring from his predator position at the backdoor. With the return of Hurricane Carl, the Darkies turned a better team game. Curty Downlow found his scoring touch & teamed with Britter to back off the White defense using their speed & passing. Quiet Brian & Liam added to the effort with some heady play at both ends of the ice & Shooter turned in another solid game, he is quickly playing his way back into shape. Timmy "TCB" Cunningham & Daddy Pat also turned in a fine game, both found the net & added key assists on the night. Jaybird once again was solid on defense while adding some offense of his own sneaking into the circle from his point position & getting good chances on goal. Don't think for a minute that the Whites took it easy, the skated & banged their way back into the game after falling behind early. Crafty Craskey was on his game again leading the way on offense, picking up a handful of points on goals & assists. Fricker & Chuck were at their pesky best fore checking their way to a few points. Crabby, playing like Ed Van Impe, skated through my crease & clocked me with an elbow. He quickly realized it was not 1974 & stopped to apologize. The Milk Carton Kid also found his way onto the score sheet with a goal late in the tilt. The strength of the Whites was on the back line, Rusty, Murph, Johnny LongPants & Tony Romo were on their game battling in their own end & jumping into the play at the offensive end all night.
I cannot honestly give you a final score, I know it was close, so I have to go with the NEXT GOAL WINS tally from Rusty who also supplied the suds, nice job Russ.
This only leaves the goalies, Tree played well despite taking a shot off the arm early in warmups. Meanwhile at the other end I was ducking shots around my head during warmups. Now Rob & I get it - Quit on your team & you must pay the price- We get it, but until we deserve that treatment lets keep the shots down & warm up the goalies.


LETS GO PHILS!

Beer Cost Index

Beer Cost Index for 2008-09 for the NHL: Team Name, the beer price provided to TMR followed by the size of the beer, and then the cost per ounce. Who's thirsty?

Nashville Predators     $6.75 (12)      $0.56 per ounce
Philadelphia Flyers     $5.75 (12)      $0.48  
Boston Bruins           $7.00 (16)      $0.44  
New Jersey Devils       $7.00 (16)      $0.44  
Anaheim Ducks           $6.75 (16)      $0.42  
Edmonton Oilers         $6.75 (16)      $0.42  
Calgary Flames          $4.97 (12)      $0.41  
Chicago Blackhawks      $6.25 (16)      $0.39  
Colorado Avalanche      $6.25 (16)      $0.39  
San Jose Sharks         $6.25 (16)      $0.39  
Los Angeles Kings       $7.75 (20)      $0.39  
Dallas Stars            $6.00 (16)      $0.38  
Detroit Red Wings       $6.00 (16)      $0.38  
Montreal Canadiens      $6.10 (16)      $0.38  
Vancouver Canucks       $6.10 (16)      $0.38  
Phoenix Coyotes         $6.00 (16)      $0.38  
St. Louis Blues         $5.25 (14)      $0.38  
Tampa Bay Lightning     $4.50 (12)      $0.38  
Toronto Maple Leafs     $5.88 (16)      $0.37  
New York Islanders      $7.25 (20)      $0.36  
Florida Panthers        $7.00 (20)      $0.35  
Ottawa Senators         $4.69 (14)      $0.34  
Minnesota Wild          $6.50 (20)      $0.33  
Buffalo Sabres          $5.00 (16)      $0.31  
Carolina Hurricanes     $5.00 (16)      $0.31  
New York Rangers        $7.50 (24)      $0.31  
Columbus Blue Jackets   $6.00 (20)      $0.30  
Atlanta Thrashers       $5.75 (20)      $0.29  
Washington Capitals     $4.50 (16)      $0.28  
Pittsburgh Penguins     $5.25 (21)      $0.25 

Player Bio: Joe “Sixpack” McCloskey

By: Daddy Pat

It all started on the playgrounds of St. Joe’s in Collingdale. A young Joe McCloskey is distraught because he does not seem to be good at the schoolyard games played by his classmates. Sad & upset he decides to shares his problem with his teacher, Sister Peter, who says; “every time God closes one door he opens another, now what’s the problem?” Sister I stink at dodge ball. I am the worst player in the school. The kids hit me with the ball even when they aren’t trying. What’s wrong with me? Nothing Joe, it’s… just…just… you are a hockey goalie. After seeing doctors and finding there IS no cure for being a goalie, he deciding to be courageous, he came out of the cloakroom and embrace who he was, a goalie. The life of a goalie begins…



From that point on no couch was safe from losing its cushions for goalie pads, neighborhood dad’s losing their belts, baseball gloves as a trapper and winter jackets doubled as chest protectors. Once Halloween brought the “Peter Puck” mask & Santa came with the waffle board and glove Joe saw himself as a young Bernie in the street hockey nets.



Joe was so taken by his idol that as a teenager he took up drinking heavily and spent summers in Wildwood, NJ just to be like Bernie. It was rumored he was so focused on being like Bernie that he considered shaving his head just to have Dr. Pistone perform hair replacement surgery, just like Bernie. His dedication to his craft and to his idol began to pay dividends. He began to be a force in net in the area street hockey leagues, started to develop a beer belly and eating pork roll, egg & cheese sandwich each morning on break.

He started his career in the nets for the local street hockey team(s) called Boston, which became the Flyers. He was called up by the “Big Kids” a few times for emergency service, usually this was for teams that were not very good and desperate for players. One of those teams was run by the now Commish of the TNHL, Dan Straube. Apparently this team was so bad that even the Commish could not recall the team’s name when asked fro comment. (Sports Psychologist, Wayne Fish, explains Dan’s lack of memory as the mind’s defense mechanism to block out traumatic experiences). Joe’s skills grew from these experiences of playing behind teams with little to no defense and returned to his original team, which changed names to the Flames.

Joe’s time with the Flames was impressive. Some goalies are measured by wins/losses and goals against, but there are a few that change the game around them. Just like some of his heroes changed the game in the NHL, Joe changed Dek Hockey. Pelle Lindbergh changed hockey in the stands by the elimination of beer sales in the third period. Ron Hextall changed the game by shooting and passing the puck. Joe changed Dek Hockey in a way that made the league expand the static sheet for goalies.



Joe’s game changing style lead to three new categories to measure goalies. They are Pass out Night Before Games (PNBG), Throwing up Before Games (TBG) and the very effective Clearing the Crease By Farting (CCBF). Joe was not only a pioneer in theses areas he was a constant league leader in them year after year.

Like all of us, time has taken a toll on Joe. He is still a force in net. Now he now relies on his volume in the net instead of the quickness of his youth. He has a few more aches/pains and pounds that he takes into each game, but still plays with the spirit and effort of his youth. The combination of the pounds & effort caused reason for concern at the start of last year’s season, when Joe seemed red faced, experiencing shortness of breath and needed to take some time to get back on track. TNHL officials were pleased when Joe was cleared to play and he explained the situation as part of his evolution at his position and the goalie’s of the NHL he chooses as role models.



As it was explained further to league officials: He started in net admiring Bernie Parent and started drinking like a pro goalie. Then he watched Pelle Lindbergh and appreciated his flare and style. Later it was Ron Hextall’s stick work that he added to his game which contributes the numerous assists he gets each year. This is even more impressive because some of those assist are actually on goals his team scores. Apparently, Joe really gets into playing as close as possible to his role model as possible and the health scare of last year is just another example. Now, playing in his 40’s he has modeled his game off a new role model, Bruce Gamble and just wanted get in the same condition that made Bruce famous.

All joking aside, throughout his career Joe has been a consistently good goaltender. He has made many a shooter give that loosing breathe sigh that follows a shot that looks like a sure goal that is snatched away at the last minute. When you are his teammate you are eager to play hard from him, because he erases many of your mistakes. When you play against him you enjoy scoring because you know it was earned and not a “gimme”. At this point in his career it is safe to say he is in the “Top Ten” TNHL goalies of all-time. And it all started with a dodge ball challenged little boy and some divine intervention from Sister Peter who made a difference in a confused boy’s life. What has been Dodge balls lose has been TNHL’s gain.

I'm the Commish and I approve this message! - Commish

WEEKLY UPDATE

Well this week was much more crowded that the first week as we welcomed back veterans Rusty, Crafty Craskey, Curty Downlow,& Bill "Tony Romo" Ryan, even The Milk Carton Kid returned, but the most important guy returning a week late was Tim. Due to a hockey bag packing snafu, Tim had to return home to get his hockey pants. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise, more on that later, now on to the game. The Commish set the line up & posted them on the locker room doors, no one knew what to expect & one guy, JD, didn't know the difference between white & dark. The squads appeared to be even on paper & for a little while the were on the ice, then the White boys took over & filled the Dark net getting very little resistance from Sixpack. The Whites scored on several nice passing plays as well as on shots from the outside. It was one of those nights for me I could have fallen in a barrel of tits & come up sucking my thumb. This terrible effort topped only the miserable performance from last week, I'm pretty sure the goals against average is around 15.00. Down at the other end Tree continued to shine turning away good scoring chances with perfect positioning & aggressive play. The rest of the Whites played a great team game, led on D by Johnny Long Pants & Tony Romo along with Rusty & Murph frustrated the Dark forwards into bad decisions & turnovers & pushed the play to the forwards. Crabby, Crafty, Chuck & Fricker all found the back of the net at least once while Spongee & JD added assists. The Darkies turned in a gutsy effort but had little to show for all their hard work, as usuall Daddy Pat & The Commish played each shift like it was their last & tried everything to get on the board. Liam hustled up a pretty goal off a sweet pass from
Brit, tipping it home from the top of the crease. Curty was back looking comfy on the wing but is still looking for that scoring touch & J-Bird stood tall against a relentless White wave. Shooter continues to impress returning from his hip surgery as he is quickly getting his game back. Quiet Brian once again played a Mike Richards type game, this guy does everything well except handle his GLOUTENS, which are hiding in beers all over the place. Which leads me to this weeks MVP, this guy not only plays the game at warp speed, he also averted a sure disaster by jumping to the front of the BEER LIST. While returning home to get his hockey pants off the scarecrow he put up for Halloween, Tim Cunningham saved the day & picked up two cold cases with ice for after the game. Thank you Tim aka TCB (Taking Care of Beer), great save. After two bad outings, I have done some soul searching & I'm determined to return to form. The truth is The Commish has been searching the minor leagues & is close to signing a new goalie/rapper out of Chester, M.C. Fuhr, his hockey card is at the top of the page. I have to start playing better.

You can't make this stuff up ...

There's a porno called Nailin' Paylin --> http://thesuperficial.com/2008/10/sarah_paylin_makes_a_porno.php

WEEKLY UPDATE

Tuesday night marked the start of yet another season of the TNHL & it was met with the usual fanfare, 4 fans packed the old barn & were treated to some of the finest hockey being played in Springfield. The ice at the old place was in pretty good shape with a nice October chill in the air, but it didn't take long for the game to heat up. The White squad put one on the Darkies, jumping out to an early lead & they didn't take their foot of the gas all night. While the Darkies put up a good fight we had no answer for the speed of the White & got very little help between the pipes from yours truly. It was good to see the guys that decided to show up this week,& everyone showed up in shape- ROUND IS A SHAPE!- at least they made it. And how about Shooter, new hip and all, at first he seemed to be taking it easy but he scored his first goal & all bets were off he was back to his old self. Word on the street is that Jimmy's mother-in -law wants a new hip just so she can keep up. Tree once again was strong in goal, picking up where he left off last year, but Spongee scored a goal which is always a blow to your confidence. Great to see Crabby, Britter & the Commish play like they were in mid-season form, the same can be said for Chuck & Fricker who were at their pesky best. Round out that squad with Johnny Long Pants & young Joe McCloskey & you can see how the Darkies could be in trouble. Despite the the lopsided score there was no quit in any of the TNHL'ers, we got rid of those losers over the years, So Murph, Jay Bird, & Quiet Brian hung tough on defense, while Daddy Pat, Spongee, Liam & Nick "The Minute Man" tried to chip away to get us back in the game. It was kind of an odd night,- Gates open early because the clock is fast? Actually that explains why Chuck was on time.- Fricker fills his new hockey bag with some crazy beer- A goalie stick snaps in two without being smashed over the crossbar? It can only mean that The TNHL season is underway. The BEER LIST needs to get going, this weeks treats were supplied by Sixpack, after the game I had it was the only way I could prove that I was there.FOR THE GUYS THAT WERE MISSING NEXT GAME IS TUESDAY OCTOBER 14, 8:45PM.

Game On - Tuesday Night @ 8:45pm

It's a well-known fact that there are only two seasons in Canada: summer
and hockey. According to long-standing tradition, the former starts with
the hoisting of the Stanley Cup, as fans in an American city celebrate.

The latter officially kicks off after Labor Day weekend.

In fact, there are hundreds, possibly thousands, of managers across
Canada who will spend the long weekend making personnel decisions
in time for the September dawn of a new season. Granted, the majority
of these managers are in charge of teams with names like "Old Puckers",
"Rusty Blades", "Just the Tips", "Gerihatricks" and "Nine-Inch Males," but don't be fooled;
beer-league hockey squads can be downright tricky to put together.
As with any successful organization, you need the right mix, and that
means drafting from the following beer-league player categories:

Which one are you???

The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it
right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done.
The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a
bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises
of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective,
however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays
an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the "DD" Division title.

The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young
guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But
it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job.
The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an
increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to
him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing
and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.

The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his
gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the
old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy --
a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when
professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a
hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never
missed a shift."

The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not
like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.

The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the
beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and
take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass,
man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you
over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at
every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game
at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.

The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or
fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie,
challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed
the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look
to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.

The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch
their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not
the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better
maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with
the swinging sausage.

The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of
these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games,
tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like
you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the
guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new
wife...at which point he'll never miss another game.

The Organizer
This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to
do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is
frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a
pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz he's a really nice guy. Is often
heard in the dressing room saying 'Sorry guys, that one was my fault'
and if he's lucky somebody will chip in something like 'No worries
Donny, it's a team effort.' What everybody is really thinking is 'Hey
Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right,
that was your fault.' If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart
enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.

The Minor Hockey Allstar
Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills
but after you get zero passes you'll get the picture. This g uy topped
out at 'AA' Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to
his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing,
(no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey
dickhead I've been open for the past 5 minutes),then into the next
corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a
blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other
team. Cut this guy.

The Johnny Try Hard
Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they
have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape.
They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won
athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all
in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the 'Running
Room'. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off
guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.

The Stanley Cup Champion
This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this
is an opposing player you must nip this behaviour in the bud by catching
him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot
bubbles. If t his player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of
the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your
team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck
from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front
of the other team.

The Tough Guy
This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight
and is characterized by antagonizing behaviour on the ice. In extreme
cases he will 'cheap shot' another player. The fact that your beer
league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of
courage. What t his guy does not realize is that this will not prevent
someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy.
There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with
him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.

The Wrong Guy
Not to be confused with 'The Complete Psycho'. This guy shows up,
doesn't say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid
that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on
Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 pims in the
East Cost 3 years ago.

The Gary Roberts
Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your
better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At
the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the
worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of
house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and
despises 'pond hockey' style play with no back checking or positional
assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of 'unfinished
business' from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some
shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably
better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.

LM's Finest marries ... film at 11